The morning of August 27th presented an awesome and alarming dimension to my personal configuration.  Overnight a node of note had manifested in the equatorial region of my body topography.

“Sacre Bleu!” I expostulated, “something is definitely out of whack!”  Even though I’m not very excitable in the ailment realm I arranged a tete-a-tete with a doctor of the area.

A cursory examination brought an opinion that was right on the money.

“You are on attack from anhydrous ammonia-- was what I though he said.”

“Does it pose a threat to my agenda for today?” I asked.  “Will I freeze to death or something?”

“Only if you do not have your affairs in order,” he replied.  “Should it erupt you have fifteen minutes to cram for finals.”  That got my attention and I hied myself to participate in a CAT scan.

Frenzied action ensued and eight days later I was on an operating table at an area hospital and was main lining on copious reservoirs of morphine.  The medical cast had prepared a kaleidoscope of articles for my amusement and study for the following three weeks.  My orbit of a lengthy voyage which afforded me ample time to view my kaleidoscope of 10 pieces each of a dozen disassociated jig saw pieces along with other objects of interest.  A pair of mittens was tack welded to my hands to keep my disassembly of the display and kindled my obstinateness and muleheadness--according to eyewitnesses to the procedure.  28 days of leisure on a pygmy length bed did not improve my behavior, but there was no escape, and it did not provide immunity to the medical minions who smothered me with unwanted attention.  Some of the care staff applied for emergency leave of absence.

Once I gained strength to start roaming the hall my jovial nature reemerged and I began my crusade for parole and release to the great out of doors.  After four weeks I was granted a conditional release that put me under house arrest at Poverty Sink and I mastered little push carts, canes and other devices.  Eventually I was allowed to pace the front porch and wave at passersbys.  My dauber, which had been at half-mast, began to awaken and I re-mastered the ability to recognize folks I owed money to, but naturally I fought the urge to actually pay.  Within a week I was able to dial temperatures on my cooling and heating mechanism.  Most of my settings ranged between 40 and 90 degrees.  My dog checked on me occasionally and then went into hiding, and a few daring souls actually stopped by for a howdy.

Terms of my conditional release enforced a house arrest of my behavior, and since I had no shoes it did not bother me enough to go over the wall.

My first 78 years passed without my having a regular doctor and my pill intake was a baby aspirin once in a while, but this episode forced me to pay a tad more attention to aches and pains yet to come.

I’ll admit that this experience does not qualify me to dispense medical advice, but I’d be remiss to not caution you to note mysterious swellings to your physique.

If your affairs are not far superior to mine—don’t dust a like eruption with a powder puff!  Get high behind and have it assayed.

This will be my final word on the matter and will not be a part of my sermons when next I locate a chair at my favorite coffee shop.

Which will not occur on a Thursday—since that is my designated day to buy the coffee.  And remember—humble pie can be hard to digest, and I fear that folks have been a heap kinder to me than I’ve been to folks.

Vaya con Dios.

Syzygy has many a definition and is the shortest English word with three wyes.  It contains no a, e, i, o, or u, and is the champ in high count Scrabble.  The only other English word with a distant kinship is rhythm. 

Let me hear from you.

My phone number is 254-893-5063.

My postal address is 333 W. Ayers, De Leon TX 76444.

You can e-mail me at Charles@CharlesChupp.com.

By Charles Chupp, Copyright ©2008 Charles Chupp